Quack Experimental Crossover: The Bishounen House
by Cynical Skittles
Summary: A sneak preview of the new up and coming fanfiction The Bishounen House! Mission One: Sakura's Kimono (Rated R for cursing and offensive nonsense) And coming soon! Mission Two: "Eat The Nuggets Sora!"


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Quack Experimental Crossover: The Bishounen House (Sneak Preview!)

Disclaimer: **We, cynicalskittles, do not own any of the characters, dead or alive, real or unreal, that you will see mentioned in this story nor are we making any type of financial profit off of it. This is just the warped collaboration of two fucked up imaginations and too many hours spent on the phone. Besides, it's just a story, deal with it.**

Now that we have that over with, please feel free to enjoy your first ever sneak preview of the Quack Experimental Crossover: The Bishounen House! (More hot bishies than you can shake a stick at)

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Mission – we mean, uh Story One: Sakura's Kimono

"Whew! Boy am I tired!" exclaimed the new mistress of the Clow, Kinomoto Sakura as she trudged up the stairs to her room. After all, she'd been cooking and cleaning since 8 o'clock that morning. And trust us, it is no easy chore cooking for a house full of greedy ass men, no matter how hot they are. 

The Clow mistress grumbled as she pushed open the door to her room. "Stupid Squall. How was _I_ supposed to know he was allergic to walnuts? That's the last time I bother to make dessert! He probably wouldn't have had a problem if he hadn't crammed six of the in his mouth at one time. Greedy ass…" She could still remember the Gunblade master's screams as he fell to floor, convulsing.

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"Gasp! The cookies, puni! You're trying to kill me, puni!"

"No, Squall-san! That not it! I was –"

"Choke! Walnuts..Hack! P-puni…"

"Somebody help him!" Yuffie screamed.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Sephiroth huffed, walking over to the dying man. He bent down, lining up his fist first, before bringing it down mightily upon Squall's poor stomach.

"Oof! Cough! Gag..gag..GAG! Bluargah!!" Squall went as he threw up.

"Gross!" Kairi exclaimed in disgust.

"Problem solved." proclaimed a grinning Sephiroth, walking back to his chair. 

"Problem solved, my ass!" IIpalazzo yelled. "Just who the HELL is going to clean this up!"

"H-hoeeee.."

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Sakura sighed, flopping down on her bed. Needless to say, nobody else dared to try her cookies, no matter how hard she tried to justify herself. They had all finished dinner quickly, running from the kitchen as if the Devil Lady herself was after them, leaving her with the dirty dishes, as always - and Squall's congealing mix of spaghetti and walnuts. She groaned. It had been mighty puddle of puke, too, taking her over an hour to clean up and sanitize. "Hoe…" she sighed rolling over. She was beat. So beat she was even thinking of canceling her previous engagement she had with Ms. Gainsborough for the evening.

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"A Japanese shrine festival?" questioned Sakura reading over the flyer Aeris handed her.

"Yeah! It'll be great!" the flower girl was practically glowing. "Fortune telling, shinto priestesses, rice balls – and you get to wear real kimonos! That should be fun, you being Japanese and all." 

Sakura had hesitated. "Pretty please, Sakura? I already asked Yuffie and she said no. And you know how Kairi gets." she was practically begging. "Please? I don't want to go by myself."

A sigh. "Okay."

"Great!" Aeris smiled. "Its being held in Central Park. Be ready at nine!" she walked away.

**_**_**_**_**_**_**_**_**_**

Sakura sat up and glanced over at the clock on her nightstand: 8:25. Hmm, not enough time to take a shower. "I suppose I'll just wash my face and be done with it." She tapped over to her closet and opened it. "Let's see…" she mumbled, pushing aside various articles of clothing. "Kimono, kimono, kimono…" She came to the end of clothes. The kimono wasn't there. "Hoe?" she pondered, padding over to her dresser. After a short search she concluded that it wasn't there, either. Becoming frantic, she ran back to the closet and tried her search again. Nothing.

"It's gone!"

Sakura was out her room and storming down the hallway before she knew what was happening, heading towards the one room of whom she was sure had stolen her pretty pink kimono. 

"All right! Where is it?!" she cried, throwing Yue's door open with a bang.

"Eek!" Yue shrieked on the bed, quickly covering the body next to him with the blanket. He was naked from the neck down – and God only knows where else. His hair was loose, gently cascading down his back like a silver waterfall, his cheeks were flushed a lovely pink. "Wh-where is what, Sakura?" he stammered. Muffled protest could be heard from under his covers. 

Sakura recovered nicely. "You know damn well what I'm talking about! Where's my pink kimono?!"

Yue blinked, the confusion clear on his fair face. "Sakura-chan, I admit that your clothes are cute and fashion worthy, but I don't _have_ your kimono."

A familiar head popped up from under the covers. "Gasp! Nor could her ever wear it because of his freakish height."

"YUFFIE?!" Sakura squeaked. "What are you doing under there?!"

"Nothing much. Just giving Yue a little-aah!" her explanation was cut short when Yue shoved her head back under the covers.

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho!" he tittered nervously.

Sakura sweat-dropped and backed out of the room. Fuck that. That shit was wrong. At least she knew why Yuffie wasn't going with Aeris to the festival. "Aah!" she cried, backing too far and bumping into someone. "Go-gomen-nasai!" she looked up to a familiar shade of pink. "Hey! My kimono!"

Legolas Greenleaf smiled, doing a little twirl, the pink kimono flowing gracefully along with his every move. "Do you like it?" he gushed. "Sorry I borrowed it without asking, but you were so busy that I-ooh!" He glanced over her shoulder at someone, motioning for them to come closer. Sakura turned to see none other than Cloud Strife heading their way.

"Long story short Sakura. I need to borrow your kimono for tonight. I'm going out with Cloud."

Sakura was taken aback. The only coherent word she managed was "H-hoeeeee!" The poor girl was still reeling by the time Cloud came over, placing a clawed hand possessively on Legolas' butt.

"You ready?" he asked, giving the rear a firm squeeze. 

Legolas' smile was blinding. "Hai." he blushed.

Cloud lead Legolas towards the door. "Well, see you later, Sakura."

"Bye." Legolas added.

Sakura snapped out of her trance just as Cloud was turning the knob. "Matte!" she cried. 

The two stopped, turning to stare at her with questioning looks. She fidgeted, her small hands twisting and untwisting the fabric of her shirt. "A-ano..Legolas-san. Did you lose a bet or something?"

"No."

"A dare?"

Legolas giggled and looked at Cloud, who gave him a little wink "No."

Sakura was persistent. "Why aren't you at least in your girl form??!"

"Well I uh, um-" he was cut short by Cloud, who resumed leading him towards the door.

"You ask too many questions, Sakura." He stated more firmly. "_Goodnight._"

Legolas waved over his shoulder. "Bye, Sakura! I'll hang the kimono on your door when I get back!"

Sakura snapped, suddenly angry. "KEEP IT!" she screamed.

"Hontou? Arigatou!" the elf smiled as the door shut with a soft "click". Sakura sighed and slumped against the wall. Now _that_ was fucked up. "Guess I won't be going with Aeris to the festival after all." She started up the stairs to give the flower girl the bad news when she was suddenly accosted by various yells of outrage ringing through the house.

"Where in the HELL is my red lace bra!?" Kairi exclaimed.

"And I can't seem to find my favorite pink hair ribbon, either" Aeris cried woefully.

"Who stole my crotch-less panties?!" Yue raged. "Again?!"

"And where are those furry leopard handcuffs that I just had?" Sora pondered.

Riku sighed in exasperation. "Sora, for the last time you are _wearing_ them!"

"Oh." The keyblade master laughed as he struggled against them. "No wonder I can't move!"

"Argh!" Riku groaned.

"My Hershey's Chocolate Syrup, puni!" Squall sobbed out in anguish. "Nooooooo, puni!"

The Clow Card mistress did a 360 and headed back down the stairs, finding herself a nice spot on the couch. "Hoe…" she sighed wearily, as she pulled a pillow over her head. She was tired, so very tired.

THE END.

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